WALRUS

Every photographer has a species that stubbornly eludes them, and for me it was walrus. They aren't especially uncommon, but for some reason they just gave me problems.

On my first trip to the arctic, I managed to get within shooting distance, only to have my camera malfunction in the cold.

On the second trip, the only walrus I saw nervously abandoned their ice floe while I was still too far away to get a good composition.

The third time, the engines on the boat vibrated my tripod just enough for every shot to be useless.

This shot was taken on the fourth trip. So all in all, it took me over ten years to get a half decent shot of these rather iconic animals. I floated in on a zodiac, engines off, rowing when necessary to gain distance without disturbing them.

I got to within 10 metres when they started to shuffle nervously.  So I backed off slightly and shot from about 40 feet. I shot quite a lot- after a decade of walruslessness, photographically speaking, I wasn't about to let the opportunity go to waste.

In the decade sans walrus, I read quite a lot about them- they were something of a cause celebre for me. And what I discovered is that the walrus is a most interesting animal. And the thing that really stands out about it, is its penis.

Oh yes, my friends...

Walrus have a baculum, which is a penile bone. Lots of animals have them, including primates. Except for man. Typical.

But pinnipeds have them, and of all the pinnipeds,  the walrus has a particularly good one.

For a start, it can be over two feet long. (As opposed to, say, a marmoset, which can only manage a slightly embarrassing 2mm)

A penile bone leaves its owner less vulnerable to impotence caused by variations in blood pressure. A hydraulic system like the one used by us blokes can let its owner down on occasion. (Although it's not important, it doesn't matter, and besides, it happens to every man at some point).

The largest baculum ever, belonged to an extinct species of walrus and was an impressive 1.4 metres long. Good bone, fella!

Known in Native Alaskan cultures as an Oosik, walrus baculum are often polished and used as tools.

Which particular tools would benefit from being constructed from walrus whanger, I've never been too clear about.

But I'm going to take a wild guess that it's a prick axe.